Wisdom 23
September 15, 2007
You Sinkswimmers
September 17, 2007

I’m Kinsey-esque in my sexual interest. I wouldn’t, you understand, sleep with other people’s husbands and ask blunt questions to strangers on the bus about their preferences for Tuesday night romp sessions. I do, however, look at people and sometimes wonder: What would they like in bed?

Try not to think of this as a perversion. I would assume that if those thoughts jumped to the fore of your mind and you are seriously debating whether or not to continue reading, that you are disgusted–not at me, but rather, at your own tendencies in this direction. It’s similar to the “I’m gay, but homosexuality is an abomination” phenomenon, wherein those who have been educated/trained/raised to believe homosexuality is bad or wrong do everything in their power to convince themselves that they are not gay. Part of that, is drawing a clear line between the “other” (in this case, the homosexual) and themselves. So it is with eyeing others in a sexual way.

Don’t you ever wonder if clothing choices, gait, shoes, and mannerisms indicate what sort of “play” someone likes in the sack? For example, I imagine that those guys I see who have long, dirty finger and toenails aren’t particularly attracted to those parts of a guy. They don’t have foot fetishes, and probably aren’t into sucking on fingers. Or, the ones with tightly trimmed facial hair and pristine facial skin find that the face is the primary point of attraction. Strangely, though, their point of reference is mostly themselves. If a given physical charcteristic is something they would find hot/a turn on, then they’re definitely more likely to try to present themselves to others with those attributes.

Take me. I love abs on a guy. So, naturally, I’m constantly working to build them up, tone them, shape them, slim them, etc. Do I ever reach perfection? No. Do I expect other guys to reach perfection? No. But it is one part of a guy that I find particularly sexy. Hence, me focusing on my own troublesome tummy.

Imagining the sexual prefernces of others is a bit strange at times, I’ll grant you. Older people present a problem in my mind. We assume, perhaps, that older folks have generally lost their libido and mostly like to take walks in the park, drink coffee, and go to church. I hardly believe that to be true. It’s absolutely possible for elder men and women in good health to enjoy good sex. Is it disgusting? Well I don’t imagine the details, but I do consider their tendencies. Are their interests the same in bed as when they were 25? Have they slowed things down? Do they laugh more? Does it last as long? How can you tell they’ve just had great sex? A big smile? Inevitably, I think this as a 70-something year old grandma grins at me. Moving on.

My point is, in the gay world, there is so much focus on sexuality becoming the person. For many, it becomes them. Many fight against that, and try to be their own unique, well-rounded person. But in all of that, sexuality doesn’t disappear. It’s still a part of the person. And if it is a part of the essence of everyone, why shut it out when we imagine what lives others are living.

Am I suggesting we try to picture gram and gramps going at it? No. But we can’t forget that sexuality is a part of us until we die. It’s as ridiculous to disgard it as it is to pretend someone’s food preferences aren’t a part of their character. People eat. People have sex. They do a lot of both–for many, many years.

The next time someone tells me they love people watching, writing the stories of their lives, I might just ask them: “Have you thought about what they like in bed?”

I just hope they talk to me again.

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