Now you know what it feels like, James Joyce!

I am trying a new life today
June 5, 2007
Following in the Inglorious Footsteps of Saints and Martyrs
June 8, 2007

You know, I’ve been thinking that it’s always far too long good-byes and hellos, empty one-liners that shift in the air for a second and fall away or if they’re lucky fly into another conversation because there are so many of us who lean against walls talking with people we met once maybe twice and say things like “how are you?” and mean “I wish I could remember your name” because it seems to make a better conversation and you have black hair I wish I had black hair that curled like a mafia boss mixed with an opera star or perhaps captain hook and then I remember what I usually say when someone asks me how I’m doing or what I’m doing and if I’m doing I say “oh you know, ok, it’s Thursday!” or some other day of the week as if each day of the week means a certain thing, Wednesdays are like a cow giving birth, quite the hump, and then Thursdays are ok but only because they’re next to Friday and Friday is before Saturday and good by association still I don’t really know what it all means and they could say “good, it’s Tuesday” and I would assume that Tuesdays are supposed to be good which of course they’re not because they come after Monday which is the first day after Sunday which is the lord’s day and a holiday and nothing should ever be good paired up with a day that’s a rest day and I have to work today sort of day it’s nothing quite like a Saturday that comes before a Sunday before a Monday that’s a holiday because by then you’ve forgotten how many days ahead are un-working days and as long as you are ignorant, it’s like you’ve retired and taken up friends re-runs for a second career but then you feel guilty by the second day and think of doing something philanthropic like horse shoe collecting but that goes awry when you realize you don’t know what a horse shoe is or if there are enough in zip code 87743 to warrant a collection and what do horses need shoes for anyway but I don’t like horses anymore than I like horseshoes or playing horseshoes so I’ll taking up cooking instead and then donate my brownies and pasta bakes to local homeless people who have signs on corners asking for money because they were in the Vietnam war or because they refuse to let Jesus save them but they should be ok now because I blessed the brownies before I baked them amen and then I’ll clean a bit I think and get some new shoes but not ones that I would nail anywhere but Velcro ones with flashy lights that I never got to have growing up because I was in Germany and they don’t have lights in Germany except for the crystal nacht which is German for crystal night and then they have lots of crystal and I think candles so that everything is lit up at Christmas time with cookies and sausages but I’m getting off topic I think I wanted to say something about oh yes getting shoes that aren’t crocs and cooking with betty crocker and maybe I’ll take a walk to the church where the pastor lives or maybe he doesn’t because there isn’t a bed anywhere I’ve looked though I guess the gathering room is comfortable it has a carpet and crayons that children use to draw jesus giving birth I mean jesus being given birth to by mary who was on an ass with joseph but joseph wasn’t the ass I mean he could have been an ass but I don’t know maybe the preacher does or the children do when they draw jesus he’s always white but I don’t think he was really white just caucasion and maybe a little mulatto with dread locks and long flowy robes that he never got dry cleaned because who ever did in Jerusalem and Bethlehem and the kingdom of heaven who cares what you look like but you have to wear sandals which I hate because I’m self-conscious about my feet crazy isn’t it I’ll never get to heaven like that and I don’t even like crocs but people who wear crocs aren’t really going to heaven cuz they’re only sort of open-toed shoes but really they’re going to purgatory or limbo where they bend over backwards in their crocs and say the rosary backward a hundred thousand millions times amen and that’s what it’s like to be praying for your soul until god says “ok” and you can skip to heaven, only with no shoes because god doesn’t like crocs so I won’t buy any I’ll just wear them sometimes when I’m cooking or playing horseshoes because it’s safer than just wearing socks I drop things a lot and brownies would ruin my socks and I’m pretty sure horseshoes would ruin my toes

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