Dear Brothers and Sister in Christ:
May yours be lives of peace, light, and wisdom both now and forever. God knows you need it. Amen.
Truth be told, I’ve forgotten which one of you is the sister. Is there one? Why don’t we all just agree to be brothers in Christ, yes? Saves me a blot of ink, nevermind who you are.
Now, on to it: I think you should quit your fasting. I’ve heard rumors that you’re constantly ornery and crabby. That’s no way to build a reputation. For God’s sake, eat some fish. Save your fasting for sackcloth and ashes, if we ever get there. Then we’ll really give them a show! Do you remember Babylon? They ate their own children for Christ’s sake! Just stick to mealtimes, and we’ll make it to the next century. God’s will be done.
Oh, and stop writing me letters in Hebrew. I can’t read a damn word! Make it Greek or nothing at all. I don’t have time to translate all this nonsense.
Peace and modesty be with you for at least a week,