if you have ever been to church
you know how much they love to bow
and bend. i still do—sometimes; it is a comfort
to be less then, to be apologetic. you see: it is the Catholic
in me to be perpetually sorry, grieving every wrong.
when i skip service now on sunday mornings—
a meditative space i’ve calmed with coffee, bunny slippers, and the news—
it’s not for disenchantment with christianity.
it is because i get tired of bowing broken
in the face of god and my devil sins. it is
because the bending breaks me down
into shouldn’t-haves and can’ts
and yet i do not know how to do church
any other way.